Temper Tantrums

Oh, these video clips are so funny! I'm sure every parent will sympathize and understand. Personally, I'm relieved my kids are beyond that now. I felt very stressed watching the first clip, and I am happy for the patient father that his son didn't turn out to be a monster. If it was my kid, I'd have tied him to a tree! (Looking at the video again, I think he just wanted his shoes back on.) Thank goodness we live in a country where parents have some authority!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6icPodjaA


Of my three kids, only Wey (the youngest) had 'blackmail tantrums'. One day when he was about 3 or 4, he hammered his head on the floor when he didn't get what he wanted. I responded by doing something influenced by my friend K's story about how her grandma suddenly stabbed her fingers at her son's (ie K's uncle) eyes when he was young because he had a habit of blinking rapidly when he talked. Grandma's stabbing stopped the blinking pronto! I'm not condoning her, but it worked. And it is funny if you imagine it. The older generation sure had effective parenting skills.

With Wey what I did when he banged his head was, I grabbed his hair and banged his head for him. Just 3 or 4 times. I then walked away as he cried in surprise and anger. When he did it the second time a few days later, bashing his head on the wall this time, I did the same thing to him and walked away. He never repeated that behavior again. People widen their eyes and tell me I'm cruel when I share this but hey, this is when you've got to be cruel to be kind. And it's tougher as a parent to say "No" than "Yes" but I always tell myself: discipline them now or suffer later.

When Ming was 16, he and I had the worst year of our lives! At least it was for me as a mother. It culminated last year when we fought so much over boundaries, rules, his playing of computer games etc that he started hanging out late with his friends. I know these friends and they are good boys so I wasn't truly worried but at the same time, I was upset when he started coming home at one or two am whenever we had a fight. One day I was so distraught I chose not to go for Sunday service and stayed home alone to pray. I also read James Dobson's Parenting Is Not For Cowards, and one problem he dealt with was kids breaking curfew time. If you have never read his books, I'll inform you that Dr Dobson has always been a promulgator of the disciplining of children, having written a widely-read and acclaimed book called 'Dare To Discipline'.

That Sunday, by 10.30 pm when Ming still wasn't home, I called him on his mobile and told him calmly that if he broke his curfew time of 11:30 pm, I would lock the door. He said he had the house keys. I informed him that I'd put in new locks and he can stay at Sean's or in the cars. He came home on time ever since. I think the difference was I said it so calmly and firmly instead of my usual ranting and raving. Plus I really meant what I said. And I fully agree with Dr Dobson that as long as our kids are living with us, they have to abide by our rules.

With Yi, it's always been easy because here's a girl who's kind, loving, understanding, obedient, God-loving, gosh, she's just wonderful. But I still had to discipline her. I slapped her one day when she was rude to me. She ran from the kitchen up to her room and slammed the door. I was still shaking with shame and regret when, true to her nature, she came down only 20 minutes later and apologised, repented, and we cried together. Her behavior was amazing, because she was 18. How many 18 year-olds can accept that kind of discipline?

I know I seem harsh. But I never want to be in a position like one of my friends whose daughter threatened to cut her wrist because her parents tried to stop her from going with her boyfriend of a different religion. They not only gave in to her, they allowed the boy to move in with them!

How have you coped as a parent?

For those who haven't yet have kids, the next clip gives the ultimate advice. Now we know why the population growth in European countries is negative :)