Thank You God

As the readership of this blog grows, it gets harder for me to share my personal life. It is not 'cool' . But I think it is a blog first rather than some kind of professional publication. I don't want it to become some snob blog.

I realize that I am a worrier. I worry and worry and assume the worst so that when the worst is not as worse as I had imagined, I feel better.

Three weeks ago the doc said that my mom (who is now living with me, after a hypoglycemic scare in early March) needed further tests; she had blood in her stools and she was loosing weight. All my other problems pale in comparison. I thought how stupid I was to not appreciate simple things like watching TV with my family (instead of blogging) and sitting out with a cup of coffee when the weather's cool. I felt how brief and precious life was, and how I take it for granted. I think unless you are in a position where life can be touch and go, you will not fully appreciate it. I even felt depressed, and I thought maybe I should just give up blogging too because suddenly it wasn't fun anymore, in light of the seriousness of the situation. But I prayed and hoped that God will let me have my mom for many many more years. Wey realized how anxious I was and for once passed his BM test because he knew that would make me happy. Oh, the human penchant for complacency and the need to be shaken now and then.

I also realize that I've been living for the future. My future is 'when my kids graduate, when Wey gets into uni, when my dream house is completed, when Hub is retired, when we can pack up and go around the world'. When, when, when.

If you are reading this, and you are facing some problem that is not life-threatening, let me tell you to be happy, look at things differently, positively, gratefully and hopefully. When I was young, I prayed the hardest when I wrote a bad exam because that was what matters the most for me then. In the last 10 years, my hardest and most earnest prayers were for family and friends. Other times I'm a 30-seconds prayer person. Make that 60 seconds just in case my church friends are reading. Like what many others have said, that on their deathbeds, nobody regrets the loss of a business deal or the dream Mediterranean cruise or the movie star career. Most deathbed regrets are about estranged relationships.

Just thought I'll share with you how I'm feeling. If there's somebody you love, let them know. And be kind to them while you can. All the little squabbles, the little irritations, or even the big ones, they don't matter. If you love, and are loved, thank God and be grateful. That means showing them, not just saying it. For me, showing love can be holding back my tongue; I'm learning to be nice.

p.s the results are back. My mom has a non-cancerous ulcer in her colon. She is recovering. I know because she is asking silly irrelevant questions and started snooping in my kitchen (she just broke a tiny porcelain plate Yi had bought for me from Dresden, Germany, teaching/forcing me to let go of material things...). Most of all, she wants to eat everything, so I know she's back to normal.

As for me, I'm my old self. Somebody jumped the line at the Foh San traffic lights yesterday. Too bad for the fella, because of all the cars, he chose mine to squeeze in front of, so I fought him inch by inch until he gave up. I just won't allow people to jump the line like everybody else can wait but not them. No manners.