23 Years

A wedding anniversary cake with sugar fondant roses that I made for my MIL some time ago.
We were among the first few couples to have a morning wedding reception at the newly opened Tanjung Aru Beach and Hotel Resort 23 years ago. I wore a tulle gown from England (my second one, the first being a disastrous gown made in Singapore which I gave away), my gorgeous bridesmaid wore a simple, elegant pink number from Australia, the two little flower girls, daughters of my mom's friend, wore something I had designed. My make-up was done by none other than Jo of A Feast, Everyday because I hated the parrot colors professional beauticians slapped on brides in those days and I trusted Jo to do it right (and she did, perfectly). The groom, would you believe it, wore his brother's too-small suit. Until today it upsets me.

What can I say? It's been a long time, yet it hasn't been. I still love his voice, but hate his sloppiness. Love that we both enjoy almost the same things: eating, travelling, checking out supermarkets, bookstores and new houses, love animals, root for the same politicians (Obama), enjoy discussing topics from God to science to history to disagreeing on Tibet (he's against their independence, I'm for). In terms of personality, he's a steady-compliant on the DISC test and I'm influence-dominant, so we seem very different. One of the things I admire about him is his steadiness and self-control. After winning a bag of coins at a casino in the US, he was able to walk away. I had lost all my money. When we got to the airport, I grabbed his bag of winnings and blew them all away at the airport one-arm machines. Yes, they even have them at the airport for people like me. I think if I had married someone like me, we'd be living on the streets. On the other hand, I find him annoyingly too steady. I'd say, "Let's fly to Penang for laksa this weekend!" and he'd say "Just like that? No..." He used to drive to Tamparuli, Tuaran, and all those faraway places when we were courting, just so he could have more time with me, he said (KK was very small; there were no places to go to for courting couples). That really made me felt so loved. Now I suggest "Let's drive to Tamparuli!!" and he'd say "What?? It's so far away. There's nothing there." (There's me in the car with you, dude!) Girls, guys are nicest before they get you.

We've had our bad times. Most women I've spoken to have run away from their hubs at least once in their marriage! If you had watched Kramer vs Kramer, you'd know what I mean. When Meryl Streep's character stood at the elevator with her suitcase as she prepared to leave her husband and son, Dustin Hoffman's character was totally stunned. He had no idea she was unhappy. And therein lies the most fundamental truth of all marriages: men and women are wired totally differently. Men are happy as long as they get their meals and their bed exercise. Women are deeper. They need love, care and friendship and the occasional sprinkle of Stuart Weitzman, Prada, Bulgari plus obedient kids and stay-away in-laws.

We'd had our good times when we feel we are the luckiest people in the world, and we wonder sometimes at how wonderful our life has been together. I honestly think that things got better after he became a Christian, 13 years ago when Wey was born. Now when we have a fight, I'm more aware that it isn't just the two of us, but there's God in our marriage and God is a God of love and we must be God-fearing enough to humble ourselves and work things out. I've always told my kids this: choose a partner who is reasonable, responsible, loves his/her parents/siblings (not beyond the horizon as some of you know what I mean) and is not bad-tempered. And make sure he/she can stand up to possessive in-laws. Apart from that, be faithful to each other and love each other for better or for worse.

So on the occasion of our 23rd wedding anniversary, I thank God for putting me with you, and I love you, W.

*我聽見你的聲音wo ting jian ni de sheng yin

有種特別的感覺 you zhong te bie de gan jue

讓我不斷想不敢再忘記你 rang wo bu duan xiang bu gan zai wang ji ni

我記得有一個人wo ji de you yi ge ren

永遠留在我心中 yong yuan liu zai wo xin zhong

哪怕只能夠這樣的想你 Na pa zhi neng gou zhe yang de xiang ni

如果真的有一天 ru guo zhen de you yi tian

愛情理想會實現 ai qing li xiang hui shi xian

我會加倍努力好好對你永遠不改變 wo hui jia bei nu li hao hao dui ni yong yuan bu gai bian

不管路有多麼遠 bu guan lu you duo ma yuan

一定會讓它實現yi ding hui rang ta shi xian

我會親親在你耳邊對你說(對你說) wo hui qin qin zai ni er bian dui ni shuo (dui ni shuo)

我愛你愛著你 wo ai ni ai zhe ni

就像老鼠愛大米 jiu xiang lao shu ai da mi

不管有多少風雨我都會依然陪著你 bu guan you duo shao feng yu wo dou hui yi ran pei zhe ni

我想你想著你 wo xiang ni xiang zhe ni

不管有多麼的苦 bu guan you duo ma de ku

只要能讓你開心我什麼都願意 zhi yao neng rang ni kai xin she ma dou yuan yi

這樣愛你 *zhe yang ai ni *

我愛你愛著你 wo ai ni ai zhe ni

就像老鼠愛大米 jiu xiang lao shu ai da mi

不管有多少風雨我都會依然陪著你 bu guan you duo shao feng yu wo dou hui yi ran pei zhe ni

我想你想著你 wo xiang ni xiang zhe ni

不管有多麼的苦 bu guan you duo ma de ku

只要能讓你開心我什麼都願意 zhi yao neng rang ni kai xin she ma dou yuan yi

這樣愛你zhe yang ai ni